Sensual and Sexual Intimacy

Sensual and sexual intimacy plays a pivotal role in the success and the survival of a marriage.

Sensual intimacy is instrumental in making your marriage partner feel more loved and less alone. In addition to providing trust, sensual intimacy may also overcome fear—fear of abandonment, fear of rejection, fear of loss of independence, and even fear of memories of past sexual abuse.

To nurture trust and to overcome fear, express and nurture sensual intimacy:

          ·        Holding hands together while walking.

 ·  Affectionately touching different parts of each other’s body.

 ·        Hugging each other more often.

 ·        Saying: “I love you” and kissing each other as much as possible.

Sensual intimacy should be expressed not just in the beginning of a love relationship, but throughout the whole journey of marriage. Sensual intimacy is always genuine; if not, it can’t and won’t be expressed continuously for the years to come.

Sexual intimacy, on the other hand, is the engagement of two lovers in foreplay to rekindle the sexual chemistry for sex performance. The truth of the matter is that without sensual intimacy, there won’t be sexual intimacy; even if there is, the sexual intimacy won’t last too long. The reality is that many still seek sex without intimacy. But that’s not living in reality due to the lack of accountability; with no accountability, sexual crimes become prevalent, destroying marriages and love-relationships.

The truth of the matter is that sensual intimacy may still survive and thrive without the sexual intimacy—the explanation is that the sexual intimacy may mitigate due to health issues and hormonal changes.

So, to nurture your intimacy or that of your marriage partner, whether sensual or sexual, it’s important that you do the following:

Acknowledge the importance  of emotions and personalities in intimacy, while respecting their differences in each other. Try to bring about some balance and compromise.

Initiate mental transformation of what’s wrong and what can be done to address it, that is, the feelings and the needs of each other.

Give up your control of your marriage partner. Also, show your own vulnerability with honesty and openness.

Avoid your criticism and stop blaming your marriage partner. Remember, criticism only leads to defensiveness, while aggressiveness to distancing. So, stop saying: “That’s annoying!” to your marriage partner all the time.

 The reality

Given the importance of intimacy in marriage, especially over the long haul, you and your marriage partner should work together to nurture each other’s intimacy, both sensual and sexual. The effort should be joint and continuous for the rest of the marriage journey.                                       

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

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